Salvaging a Reputation
Last updated: Sep 2, 2022
Motivation
This fictional story is inspired by a question. “If pornography use is as rampant in the church as all the numbers indicate, then what does it look like to confront this evil?” I personally took a long time to believe the numbers. They’re shocking, and I’m still processing how to respond.
While they are still well below their peers who are not practicing Christians in frequency of porn use, four in 10 [practicing Christian males aged 13-24] are actively seeking [pornography] out at least once or twice a month.
Overall, 21% of youth pastors and 14% of pastors admit they currently struggle with using porn.
I’d love to hear your ideas about what Christian responses might look like in this hypothetical scenario.
Note that the gender in this story can be switched. Women use porn too.
What Would You Do?
Imagine being married to a porn user. You’ve told him how much it hurts you. He’s promised to quit, and broken that promise countless times. He puts a lot of effort into hiding the problem, but not into solving it. He’s starting to call you some of the misogynistic slurs common in pornography.
You’ve done everything to help him, but it’s not enough. You’ve talked to leaders in your church, you’ve found counselling, you’ve done it all. The trust in your relationship is gone. He broke the marriage, and frankly, you’re sick of sharing a bed with something so gross and violent. You’re traumatized and tired.
You leave. It’s a perfectly reasonable thing to do. The few people who know about the situation all support your decision to leave. But most people don’t know.
Rumours swirl around your church about why you left. They’re ugly, vicious rumours, including lurid details about your sexuality. They’re outraged, angry rumours, that you left a wonderful man, and broke his heart. After all, most people don’t actually know why you left.
Finally, a friend asks what happened. She doesn’t know, because you haven’t told anyone who doesn’t need to know. She’s a supportive person, but you’re not sure that she’ll fully understand.
What do you do?
Should you defend yourself? Is it better to say nothing, to avoid ruining his good reputation? What about your own reputation? What about the truth? Do you even want to explain it all, and relive the trauma while explaining it? What if your friend doesn’t believe you? What if she tells you that her husband watches a bit of porn too, but that she has chosen a better response of patience and forgiveness instead? What if she tells you that the reason he watches porn is because you haven’t done a good enough job satisfying him? Will she tell someone else, and suddenly everyone will know?
What do you think? What would you do? Do you think that what you would do would be a godly response?
Another Question
And, what about if you are the friend, and she tells you about this. Would you believe her? Would you tell other people?
Discussion
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